Lost

If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody sees it, does it fall? Now there is nothing in the place where my sign used to stand. Do I no longer work? Have the other signs vanished too? Will they be replaced with my new and improved photos? Another patient? Did I help anyone? I don't know.

It's moments like this, when the illusion of Fame is fading away, that I could really use a little Oates, some wine, and a whole lotta Hall.
YouTube - She's Gone (1976) - Hall & Oates

Medi Mama Strikes Again

Well, that is the type of support that I'm talkin' about, given yesterday's slight disappointment! It's even better too because I wasn't expecting it.

It's just too weird. I actually look somewhat trim and slightly stacked in this picture. I'm really glad I took a chance on that dress - a JcPenNEY original, that was marked down! Can you believe that?! It's awesome. The hell with the little BLACK dress ladies. If red works for you and you like it, then don't worry about it being too bold - wear it!

Thank you also to photographer extraordinaire, Christopher Stickney (www.chrisstickney.com) and built in padding for working your magic. Oh, and I'd also like to give a shout out to my mentor, old school supermodel, Tyra Banks - "Hey, girl!" If it wasn't for watching one too many episodes of America's Next Top Model I would never have known how to twist my body like a contortionist to find the most painfully flattering angles.

If this isn't proof that Medi rocks than I don't know to say. If you are overweight and it's negatively impacting your life, (and if I haven't said it enough), cast your doubts aside and Join Medi Weightloss clinics(www.mediweightlossclinics.com). Take care of yourself. This is blatant promotion, but it's so much harder to do it all by yourself. I know, I tried for more years than I care to remember, stopping and starting one diet after another on my own only to eventually end up back where I started or worse. The medical supervision, medication, and support make a huge difference, (no pun intended), and can make the whole process so much easier and more successful, especially when it gets challenging.

Like this week and the following week with all the cake, ice cream, and Halloween candy around that's as addicting as a drug for a sugar junkie like me. And that's just the start. Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner. I could probably eat cake for breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday and be very content in the short term, but I know it would limit me. I wouldn't be half as happy not being able to wear the clothes I want to wear, run around with my kids, or do all the other activities I want to do without having to worry if my weight will be an issue.

It's incentives like these printed testimonials, where I can share my story and maybe even impact someone, that help motivate me to keep building on what I've been doing. After all, I gotta walk the walk if I'm gonna represent. And from what I hear there will be more promotion with a winter picture of this Florida resident amongst the snowflakes in the works. If all goes well I could even make the calendar for spring and summer too. I may be too pasty white for the swimsuit issue though.

This calls for, yes, you guessed, it a song. Hall and Oates, one more time, cause that's how I roll! This one's for you, Medi.YouTube - Hall And Oates - You Make My Dreams Come True (Music Video) (1980)

Under Construction

So far, so good. I would like to drop five more pounds to be able to comfortably fit into the next size down, but I've reached a plateau. When that happens, it usually means that your body has reached some sort of level of tolerance and you need to challenge it in news ways.

So I'm reducing some of my Cardio Queen duties for awhile and focusing more on strength exercises. This may be the better way to go anyways. From what I've been reading, cardio is great for burning calories but not as effective as weight bearing exercises for burning fat and building lean body mass. So, too much running and you could end up looking more skinny fat than toned. (For a visual, think Vince Vaughn before dating Jennifer Aniston and then after. He's still adorable either way, but there is a difference.) If you're going to put in the time, you might as well get as much bang for your buck as you can.

The key is to start slow and build, concentrating on one main body part at a time, so as not to be entirely incapacitated the next day. Yet, even with this strategy in mind, you know that you WILL encounter a painful amount of muscle soreness, so get the ice pack, the Calgon bubble bath, Ibuprofen, and Bengay ready in advance. But hey, if it gets bad enough you can always just whimper loud enough so your significant other will take pity on your weak ass and be willing to give you a massage to ease your misery. Otherwise you could be permanently immobile and forced into a nursing home way before your time.

Tonight, though, I'm trying out my new Yoga and Pilates DVD. The woman on the cover seems really ecstatic about it making me think that downward dog just may be the key to happiness. I figure if it's good enough for Cameron Diaz and all of those other Hollywood stars, then it's good enough for me. With any luck and 8hrs of core training a day, I should have a smokin' bod like hers just in time for the next magazine cover that is sure to come my way. Medi hasn't offered me that yet, but it's probably just a matter of time before they decide they need someone for a Valerie Bertinelli bikini shot. :) In the meantime I'll just work on those abs, pencil in a minor, little tummy tuck, and gather up some courage for that belly button piercing and I'll be good to go. Until then, I'll keep you posted. Time to get started.

(Looks like Mick has done so yoga in his time too. Check out his transition from chicken warrior to swimming monkey. How did he ever get all those groupies?)

YouTube - Rolling Stones - Start Me Up

Extra, Extra!

When I was first heard of LOLA, the new newspaper in town, my mind automatically journeys back to here:

"I met her in a club down in old Soho where they drink champagne, and it tastes just like cherry cola C-O-L-A cola...

However, LOLA is not some gay and lesbian publication as it's name might allude to. LOLA stands for Land O' Lakes/Lutz Area, the out in the boondocks city I have no choice but to call home for now. The talk around town is that a this media giant is printing a big story in their June 1st edition, about these incredibly inspiring people who changed her way of thinking, started believing in themselves, and made huge transformations in their life. A coming out of sorts, just in a different way. The following song goes out to all of these fat fighters.



I've seen one of the featured women around town, hanging outside on the streets, on some billboard. She's one of those people that you can tell, just by looking at her, has got to be cool. It's no wonder they made her their poster person. She should get paid big time for being brave enough to put her impromptu, bloated beyond belief before picture out there for all to see. Not only is she attractive in every single way, but she's got a lot of guts too, just not as much as she used to.

It's strange, but I feel as if I know her or have seen her somewhere else before. Maybe she was that chick with the slightly pained expression, zooming past the frozen food section of the grocery store Saturday night in an effort to avoid death by chocolate-with-little-turtle-shaped-pieces-of-fudge ice cream. Adhering to a healthy lifestyle can be a challenge, but she seems to know that it goes beyond the food and that it's really about being comfortable and confident with yourself and honoring that. I'll have to check out her story and buy a copy,(or two dozen), to show my friends and family. We seem have a lot in common.

This one's for her. Way to go Mama!

Cover Girl Part II

I should be happy. In fact, yesterday I didn't think it was possible to have a permanent smile stuck on my face while pushing a squeaky grocery cart down the crowded aisle of Winn Dixie for the thousandth time, but the pressure is on.

Out of nowhere Medi sent me an urgent email. It was from a woman I hadn't met before telling me that she's sorry she missed me during my weekly visit but that corporate is doing some new advertising with some of it's top clients and was wondering if I would be interested. A top photographer in the area, (http://www.chrisstickney.com/home.html) is taking the photos in a week, with hair and makeup provided and I need to get back to her ASAP to book a time slot. Oh and the pictures are also going to be printed in a local paper too. On top of that I also have to bring four outfits, (a workout, business suit, casual, and dressy)and props that reflect my personality. Deal or no deal?

Never having taken any of those ultra posed, cheesy high senior pictures, I immediately said "Yes" but not without any reservation. Granted, it is a really great opportuntiy but those pictures are forever, and I don't want to cringe when I look at them. There's much work to be done to complete this Operation Beautification and only one week to complete it is cutting it a bit close.

Futhermore, these photos are going to be mass produced as motivation for other clients so I gotta represent but I have nothing to wear. My workout attire consists of a sports bra and mismatched mens plaid boxers. And as for a business suit well, I hate the "uniform" they tell you to wear for interviews and my take is a little more creative. The casual outfit won't be a problem but the dress I have may not work. It's gorgeous but has a red flower print on it and prints aren't recommended.

Looks like I have to go shopping but the whole process is overwhelming. I don't know my size anymore as it's always changing and I don't know what's fashionable since I'm accustomed to wearing tents from Moo Moo Land. Now, dresses actually come with built in padding that can stand on it's own, no breasts necessary. I had no idea. It's times like this that I wish Tim Gunn from Project Runway would magically appear to help me find something fabulous and encourage me to "Make it work".

YouTube - Roxette - Dressed For Success

Rock On, Mom

That's what my youngest said when I told him about my latest news. In the grand scheme of life, it's really just a little thing but that's what it's all about when you drift into sleep recounting the day. More specifically, the main event centered around one single shirt. A new spring inspired sky blue shirt, size SMALL! Someone must have stolen my identity because I don't know the person who can fit into this and this in no way resembles any form of life that I'm familiar with. I was just getting used to putting back the large in exchange for the medium and now the situation has switched again. I don't handle change well, but in this instance, I'm learning to be okay with it. So far I've lost 116 lbs or a person, if you will, and keep going through the stages of grief with each new experience in my second life.

1. First there's denial. What?! I must be have having a hallucination. I should really get more sleep. I swear, I'm not supposed to drink that much caffeine with my medication and now I'm seriously messed up. Let me recheck the label. That can't possibly be right. It's the contacts. I've had them way too long and need to make an appointment to see the optometrist again before I go completely blind.

2. Then comes anger. Great, I guess that means my chest is shrinking too! The one body part that was fine just the way it was and now I look about as shapely as my 11 year old niece. How the hell am I suppose to stack up with all of the fake cleavage flaunting moms out here now? Boob jobs hurt and, unless you're a stripper, they aren't free either. So much for that damn college education.

3. Next is bargaining. God, if you could just redistribute the weight from my hips, and thighs to bless me with ginormous knockers,and an ass like J-Lo, then I swear on my life that ice cream will never touch my lips again. Ben and Jerry will be dead to me.

4. Following this is depression. All of the clothes in my closet suck, they're too big and look frumpy on me. I have nothing to wear. I have to go on a shopping marathon but I can't leave the house looking like this. I hate the mall. There's really no reason to get out of bed today.

5. Finally, there is acceptance. Security is not going to escort you away to the dark corner, aka, the plus size dept, so stop looking over your shoulder. It's okay to shop where all the other women shop. Objects may appear larger with the underwire support of a generously padded push up bra. Who knew? See, you do learn something new everyday. And for the love of God, stop getting misty eyed when something fits and looks nice. That's what you get when you take care of yourself. Just don't go crazy trying on all those fancy dresses. Get closure on not going to the prom seventeen years ago and let it go. Danny Logan is not standing outside the dressing room in a tux with a corsage for you no matter how cute that sparkly fuchsia dress is.

Moving on after a loss is a process and everyone grieves in their own way. I only hope that, one day, I'll find some peace.

Mediman

Facebook | Medi-Weightloss Clinics®'s Photos - Cover Model Contest- TOP 10!

The poor guy is going to be on tomorrow during the fourth hour at 12pm of The Today Show, or as I like to call the "wacky hour," hosted by Hoda and America's aging sweetheart-Kathy Lee Gifford. I swear, if looney tunes is the slightest bit tipsy or even starts going on and on about Frank falling asleep at noon or her son Cody taking off in his new SUV... Can you blame them? But at least you'll look extremely sane next to her. Sorry about your luck Jerome, just rivert back to making eye contact with Hoda. She won't go off on tangents that having nothing to do with the topic and is genuinely happy for those with major weight loss achievements. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she even makes you twirl. It may seem silly but you'll be showing people just how extraordinary they can be when they put everything they have into one goal. It not only rewards you with a better life but encourages others to go for it too. The Medi community will be sure to set our tivos.

Today

"Hello, Erin? Hi, this is Gerry from Medi Weightloss Clinics. One of our patients who lost 300lbs is going to be on the Today show this Monday and I just wanted to know if it would be okay to give them your name and information in case they want to ask you some questions or would like to use your testimonial?" WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? OKAY?????? HELL YEAH!!!! They don't even need to ask, like I'm going to say NO to the FREAKING Today Show!!!!!!! Oh, okay I'll see if I can TRY to find the time to answer my phone. I do have some bon bons that I need eat and a couch to hold down, but if you must.

I can't even imagine sipping my morning coffee and hearing Al, Matt, Meredith, or Ann say my name while talking about the Joy Fit Club. (Hearing Kathy Lee's gravely, high pitched voice, now that's another thing all together. Why is she back on morning TV and why is she always drinking some alcoholic beverage?) I'm freakin' Ms. Medi. I'm kind of a big deal in the Florida Medi circle and I don't get it. I know losing 116lbs and counting, (5-8 more to go), is as much as a petite woman, but after seeing the other contestants in the contest, I also know some people have lost more and have probably worked harder. I didn't lose it in record time, I don't live in the gym, I don't put an excessive amount of time into cooking, and even indulge in small treats like my mini chocolate Easter bunny, from time to time. I don't even check my ketosis levels and haven't in over a year.

The perfect plan they would like everyone to follow is impossible for me. I did everything right for the first three months and then made minor adjustments to make it work for me. That's what has worked for me. That along with adding variety to make it interesting, constantly changing my thinking and being held accountable. That's how I did it. There's really no big secret or anything more to it than that. Well, maybe rewarding myself with unnecessary clothes shopping and just getting out for a change. You know, like having some fun once and awhile, like normal people do. Too many people, especially dieters, think it has to be all or nothing, when that's just not realistic. Sooner or later you end up feeling deprived, start binging on junk food, feel horrible and eventually give up. It's like getting 100% on a test. It's possible but when it's all said and done an A's an A. Even if you put in 90% that's still pretty damn good. Moreover, it leaves room for improvement, as any life long change is always a work in progress.
Ideally, it would be incredible to be the one on The Today Show but Jerome has done an outstanding job and has more than earned it. Plus, having been overweight for more years than not, I know he wasn't really living life at 500lbs. Just being 20lbs over what's considered normal is more than enough to leave a mark on your everyday experiences. Try living with hundreds of extra pounds for years and years. Talk about barriers. He more than deserves it.

There may not be a phone call from the major affiliates or the local news here but that's fine. The fact that my name was on the list, The Today Show list, THE TODAY MOTHER FREAKIN SHOW list, is one of the biggest things that has ever happened to me. How many people can say that? This is the best dream ever. If you want to change, do it. Make it fun and put some heart into it and you're good to go. (Now I sound like a Nikey ad, gotta work on my slogan. I'm screwed if Matt Lauer wants my advice in a one sentence sound bite. I'll just deflect it and turn the question back on him. Have you seen the man's six pack?)

Rock Steady

Yes! This is the song of the day today for the victory dance. It may be about something entirely different but I'm going to pretend that it also speaks to weight loss maintenance,(or consistency in general), and squeeze it into my own life soundtrack.

It's been 16 months and I finally reached my goal weight to the exact ounce! How perfect is that? You can't make shit like that up. The only thing that could possibly top that is if I had timed it to happen on St. Patrick's Day. It was always the elusive "in my dreams" target that I'd never thought I'd ever even get close to and now it's real. I still can't wrap my head around it as my eyes still automatically well up every time I really see the changes. I'm nearly done and ready to close the book on that chapter for good now.

I wasn't going to go to the Aretha Franklin concert this Sat. but screw the damn flag football for once. It's ruined weekend plans way too many times. It's imperative that I celebrate and ReRe is one of the greatest singers of all time, plus it's free dammit! I am NOT missing it.

The Little Black Dress

I can't remember the last time I wore a dress, not a long skirt that goes down to your ankles but a dress that actually shows some leg. (I think it was at a Mardi Gras party in Cancun, Mexico over ten years ago. I even got some beads that night and I didn't even have to flash my boobs or kiss a stranger). It's not that I have an aversion to looking ultra feminine but when you're heavyset you just can't pull it off. It's not cute. Yesterday I decided I needed to punctuate all my hard work with a statement. I bought the casual little black dress and I'm going to rock it with some killer hot heels...eventually. First I have to find the shoes and then I have to learn how to walk in them without wiping out on the pavement. Finally, I have to arrange for a babysitter. When that's all set, I'm stepping out with my baby.

The Eye of the Tiger

It's done. The entry is posted and up to the judges now. If any of my blogger buddies are interested, you can check it out at www.facebook.com/1.877.MED.LOSS. If I make it to the top 10 then it's up to fan votes to determine the winner, so I'm starting to rally the troops now. The finalists will be announced on Feb. 15th, so please become a fan and help a momma out.

And no I didn't use the above pic for my after shot. It was just a funny shot meant to channel Ru Paul's song "You Betta Work, Cover Girl". I thought about posing in front of a refrigerator or draping myself over a life size cut out of Johnny Depp with a cartoon bubble over his head saying, "Pick Erin" but I didn't want people to think I don't take losing weight seriously. Maybe I should have. It probably would have made my entry standout,(humor is really just a cover up for deeper feelings) but I'm hoping that the fact I have a banner and wrote a novel helps. I think I wrote too much but that's me, very detailed and wordy. I blame all of my English teachers who drove me crazy by assigning 10 page papers to cover a few simple points.

YouTube  Roxette - The Look (rare-early video clip)

The LONG Run at the Ranch

The whole family ran today and I'm proud to say that we all beat our best times! Nugget even shaved off two minutes from his last race time, which is impressive considering the poor boy would rather clean the kitty litter box than huff and puff. He's so cute though with his little skip to his run. I wanted to stay and cheer him on at the finish line but the porcelain god was calling my name too loud to ignore. Running while you're sick to your stomach is not a good idea. I don't recommend it. I thought I could suck it up for ten minutes but it's much more torturous once you're in motion. On top of that, I swear that the little girl in front of me was laughing at me as she kicked my butt. But I didn't walk and had a good time considering that most of the runners were teenagers from the school's cross country team. Thankfully Dave was there to run along with Evan and has been taking care of the boys all day while I've been sick in bed.

What's Up

What's up? Oh, I don't know... maybe just the new Medi banner with MY picture on it! How cool is that? Okay, so I'm going to be the only person possibly getting in an accident checking it out, but hey, not just anyone can get on a sign for losing weight. As my first born son so lovingly pointed out to me, you have to be the "tubbiest" person before. (I was on bedrest for weeks while I was pregnant with that boy and this is what I get.) I just have to block that out. He's just defensive cause his momma also knocked ten seconds off her mile time today and nearly passed him. Naysayers and menstrual cramps be damned!

Covergirl?

I'm happy to report that Operation "Find a Vein" is complete. (YES! Thank you Barbara.) I also got a chance to see the mock up for the banner today too. Thumbs up. I'm not thrilled about the before picture but I like the after. I just wish I would have gone for it and worn a dress with heels but the general consensus amongst the staff is that, "Girl, you look hot." I don't know if I buy that, but I do think that I look pretty damn good in comparison. If that sounds boastful then so be it. I've been a fairly quiet, modest person most of my life and have found that all that usually ever got me was a pattern of being overlooked and underappreciated. I'm a good person and try to work hard at everything I do and think it's about time I got a little recognition for it. So there.

Barbara also informed me of the Medi cover model contest. It's for anyone in the program who has been successful and would like to share their story. I'm not sure if my testimonial is dramatic enough to actually win but the staff keeps encouraging me to enter. They think I can win. Maybe it's a sign that I should give it a shot. If you do win, your picture will be taken for the cover of their national magazine, and your essay will be the feature article. They wouldn't even have to fly me out to Tampa if I were lucky enough to beat out the other contestants. I'd get a some cash, a weekend stay at a beachfront hotel, a free makeover, and a tale of my days as a glamorous model that I could pass on to my grandchildren :) I'm not wearing any bathing suit though, no matter how much they pay me. I like to keep it classy.

It's all kind of silly but it would be great if this whole experience lead to being able to really help people who share the same problem that has been plaguing me for years. I think for me, the key was just finally making up my mind that I was done going on with the way I was living. I was going to seriously jeopardize my health if I didn't change. It's still a constant struggle,(me and sugar used to be real tight) but if you can keep trying bit by bit, you'd be surprised how far past the bar you can go. Having that feeling and seeing how it filters into other areas of your life and the lives of those around you, makes it more than worth it.